We reveal easy ways to ensure it really is the most wonderful time of the year.
‘Tis the season to be merry and bright but in reality, the holiday period can bring with it stress, anxiety and pressure that doesn’t exactly conjure up those warm, fuzzy feelings. In fact, according to a survey by the American Psychological Association, 38% of people report increasing stress levels during the holidays with the most common triggers being lack of time, financial pressures and the pressure of giving and receiving gifts.
Another study also indicated that the discrepancy between holiday expectations and reality can contribute to lower overall wellbeing during this time. Something which Jason Ward, psychotherapist and founder of DBT London concurs. “In my practice there are several common threads that lead to holiday season stress – first up, the significant gap between expectations and reality and the pressure to create ‘perfect’ holidays; financial strain; family dynamics that often bring old wounds and unresolved conflicts to the surface during gatherings and finally, the holidays can bring a poignant awareness of personal losses or unfulfilled hopes for many,” he says. But it doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom and, on the upside, there are several strategies you can put in place to mitigate holiday stresses.
Here’s how to stay positive no matter what the festivities throw at you.:
1. Embrace imperfection
Rather than wanting everything to be perfect, “embrace imperfection and savour authentic experiences” says Jason. If you can brush things off, look for the humour in situations, be flexible – then it won’t matter if you burn the potatoes or forget someone’s present – just see them as small blips that shouldn’t ricochet through the special moments. Instead, reframe them as just another memory that you can look back on and smile at. Remember, this is real life not a fairytale version.
2. Set boundaries
Even the closest knit families can struggle navigating the festivities so as soon as arrangements begin being talked about, set some compassionate boundaries. “Say no to certain obligations, set budgets with regards to presents and prioritise your own wellbeing,” recommends Jason. Don’t feel guilty for taking an hour to yourself or not accepting every family invite, it could be the rest and reset you need and all it takes to stop you feeling frazzled and spiralling into a state of stress.
3. Share responsibilities
It’s a great idea to divvy up tasks. If you’re hosting, get your guests to bring different dishes or if you like to feel in control of the food, ask someone else to set the table, or be responsible for the games, or ensure the dogs are walked first thing (if you have any!). If you’re travelling a long way, share the driving or get someone else to work out the travel logistics. It isn’t about ‘not being able to cope’, it simply means everyone’s energy is conserved and preserved. Just make sure everything is communicated clearly so everyone knows what they’re doing and when.
4. Incorporate ‘you’ time
Even the most extroverted ‘people’ person can feel exhausted during social season so taking some time out is essential. Go and do some exercise, nap, read, meditate – whatever it is that fills your cup. It’s especially prevalent in uncomfortable situations too. “Some quick fixes that can help calm anxiety include grounding techniques that focus on the five senses and bring attention to the present moment, positive visualisation, progressive muscle relaxation and using affirmations like ‘I am in control’ and ‘this too shall pass’ can be really effective,” says Jason.
5. Plan ahead
By getting ahead with your to-do list you can effectively take out some of the anxiety around scenarios that could crop up. For example, do the food shop online, buy gifts when you see them or when your favourite stores have special offers on, make the most of them to spread the financial impact. It’s also a good idea to write down the activities and people you definitely want to see - that way you’ll see what gaps you have for others, and more importantly yourself.
6. Gift smart
‘It’s the thought that counts’ isn’t as cliché as you might think. If you’re struggling with budgets and feeling financial stress, get creative. ‘I owe you’ vouchers are a brilliant present and can range from babysitting duties to gardening tasks to breakfast in bed to being a taxi service. Or if you’re a family or friendship group who are avid readers – choose a ‘pass it on’ present option and all gift each other a book you’ve read that you know your recipient would love.
7. Stay neutral
If you’re heading towards a sensitive topic with your family, partner or friends, try and steer the conversation back to positive common ground to reduce the conflict. And if things do heat up be mindful of your responses. Instead of ‘you’re wrong’ or ‘you always…’, flip the switch and reply with phrases such as ‘I appreciate your perspective’, ‘let’s agree to disagree’ and ‘I understand how you feel’. Then mentally add a full stop. Be the bigger person, don’t let things spiral and reframe tense interactions as an opportunity to practice personal growth.
